1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:07,074 Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:00:15,315 --> 00:00:17,316 [ Music playing ] 3 00:00:39,439 --> 00:00:41,440 [ Seabirds calling ] 4 00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:06,031 [ Bird calling ] 5 00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:29,254 [ Typewriter dings ] 6 00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:34,026 [ Applause ] 7 00:01:34,028 --> 00:01:36,028 [ Band playing jazz ] 8 00:01:41,201 --> 00:01:45,037 In the early 1950s, the nation recognized in its midst 9 00:01:45,039 --> 00:01:48,307 a social movement called the Beat Generation. 10 00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:54,079 A novel titled "On the Road" became a best seller, 11 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:57,015 and its author, Jack Kerouac, became a celebrity, 12 00:01:57,017 --> 00:02:00,819 partly because he'd written a powerful and successful book, 13 00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:04,556 but partly because he, uh, seemed to be 14 00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:07,926 the embodiment of this new generation. 15 00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:10,028 So here he is, Jack Kerouac. 16 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,030 [ Applause ] 17 00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:21,006 [ Applause fades, music playing ] 18 00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:33,318 [ Typewriter dings ] 19 00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:39,591 [ Crickets chirping ] 20 00:02:44,531 --> 00:02:46,532 [ Seabirds calling ] 21 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,596 [ Snorts ] 22 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:05,410 3,000 miles from Long Island. 23 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:09,081 It's the first trip I've taken away from my mother's house 24 00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:12,551 since the publication of "Road" three years ago. 25 00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:16,888 All over America, high school and college kids 26 00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:19,524 thinking Jack Kerouac is 26 years old 27 00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:22,194 and on the road all the time hitchhiking, 28 00:04:22,196 --> 00:04:25,864 while there I am almost 40 years old, bored and jaded. 29 00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:30,102 The book that made me famous 30 00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:31,670 and, in fact, so much so, 31 00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,705 I've been driven mad for three years 32 00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:38,644 by endless telegrams, phone calls, requests, 33 00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:41,546 mail, visitors, reporters, snoopers. 34 00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:44,483 I was surrounded and outnumbered... 35 00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:49,354 and had to get away to solitude again or die. 36 00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:53,392 So Lawrence Ferlinghetti wrote and said, 37 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:54,893 "Come to my cabin in Big Sur. 38 00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,762 No one'll know." 39 00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:09,241 Although Lawrence and I exchanged huge letters 40 00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:13,245 outlining how I would sneak in quietly into the West Coast, 41 00:05:13,247 --> 00:05:17,816 I'd ruined my secret return to San Francisco by getting silly drunk 42 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:21,787 and marching forth into North Beach to see everybody. 43 00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:23,055 Everyone recognized me. 44 00:05:23,057 --> 00:05:24,356 I'm telling you. 45 00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:26,519 [ Jazz playing, overlapping conversations ] 46 00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:35,767 Hey, everybody, 47 00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:39,529 the bloody king of the beatniks is back in town. 48 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,754 Two days of that, 49 00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,856 including Sunday, 50 00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,091 the day Lawrence Ferlinghetti 51 00:05:59,093 --> 00:06:02,427 is supposed to pick me up at my secret skid row hotel 52 00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:04,463 and drive me to Big Sur woods. 53 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,465 [ Sirens passing ] 54 00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:13,839 [ Man coughs] 55 00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,889 [ Distant shouting ] 56 00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:42,067 One fast move, 57 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,435 or I'm gone. 58 00:06:53,312 --> 00:06:55,447 [ Birds chirping ] 59 00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:39,391 You say I'm alone, 60 00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:42,394 and the cabin is suddenly home 61 00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:44,197 only because you made one meal 62 00:07:44,198 --> 00:07:46,398 and washed your first meal dishes. 63 00:07:47,433 --> 00:07:49,935 Then nightfall. 64 00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,403 The flies retreat 65 00:07:51,405 --> 00:07:53,371 like polite Emily Dickenson flies, 66 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:56,908 and when it's dark, they're all asleep in the trees. 67 00:07:56,910 --> 00:08:00,579 Maybe the bees got a message to come and see me, 68 00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:03,014 all 2,000 of 'em, 69 00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:06,918 which seems to happen like a big party once a week. 70 00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:29,474 No booze, no drugs, no binges, 71 00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:31,676 no bouts with beatniks and drunks 72 00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,912 and junkies and everybody. 73 00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:39,050 [ Mouse squeaks ] 74 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:01,840 [ Grunts ] 75 00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:05,677 [ Chuckles ] 76 00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:48,808 ...forehead. 77 00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:53,191 No better. 78 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,860 What I do now next? Chop wood? 79 00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,000 Long nights simply thinking 80 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,903 about the usefulness of that little wire scour, 81 00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,404 those little yellow copper things 82 00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,440 you buy in supermarkets for 10 cents, 83 00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:10,175 all to me infinitely more interesting 84 00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:12,077 than the stupid and senseless 85 00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:13,311 "Steppenwolf" novel in the shack, 86 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,513 which I read with a shrug, 87 00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:16,781 this old fart reflecting on conformity of today, 88 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:19,783 and all the while, he thought he was a big Nietzsche. 89 00:10:22,722 --> 00:10:25,390 Because on the fourth day, I began to get bored 90 00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:27,726 and noted it in my diary with amazement, 91 00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:28,827 "Already bored?" 92 00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:30,562 Even though the handsome words of Emerson 93 00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:32,564 would shake me out of that, 94 00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:34,766 where he says in one of those little red leather books 95 00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,301 and is relieved and gay 96 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,470 when he has put his heart into his work 97 00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:39,971 and done his best. 98 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,007 Yet I went crazy inside three weeks. 99 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,441 In me and in everyone, 100 00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:46,011 I felt completely nude of all poor protective devices, 101 00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:48,446 like thoughts about life or meditations under trees 102 00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:50,281 and the ultimate and all that shit. 103 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:53,218 In fact, the other pitiful devices of making supper 104 00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:55,587 or saying, "What I do now next? Chop wood?" 105 00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:57,656 I see myself as just doomed, 106 00:10:57,658 --> 00:11:01,059 an awful realization that I have been fooling myself all my life 107 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,662 thinking there was a next thing to do to keep the show going, 108 00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:05,296 and actually I'm just a sick clown, 109 00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,465 not even really any kind of common sense, 110 00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:09,367 animate effort to ease the soul 111 00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:12,837 in this horrible, sinister condition of mortal hopelessness. 112 00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,773 I hate to write. 113 00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,441 All my tricks laid bare, even the realization 114 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:20,178 that they're laid bare itself laid bare is a lot of bunk. 115 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,980 The sea seems to yell to me, 116 00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:23,915 "Go to your desire. Don't hang around here. 117 00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:26,084 "Why not live for fun and joy and love 118 00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:28,253 "or some sort of girl by a fireside? 119 00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:30,055 Why not go to your desire and laugh?" 120 00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:31,923 But I ran away from that seashore 121 00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,324 and never came back again 122 00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:35,126 without that secret knowledge that it didn't want me there, 123 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,328 that I was a fool to sit there in the first place. 124 00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:38,830 The sea has its waves. 125 00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:41,099 The man has his fireside, period. 126 00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:42,801 It's time to leave. 127 00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:45,437 I'm so scared by that iodine blast by the sea 128 00:11:45,439 --> 00:11:46,838 and by the boredom of the cabin. 129 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,673 I'm tired of my food, forgot to bring Jell-O. 130 00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:51,976 You need Jell-O after all that bacon fat and cornmeal in the woods. 131 00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:54,546 Every woodsman needs Jell-O or Cokes or something. 132 00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:01,019 But before I go, I realize this isn't my own cabin. 133 00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:03,555 Here's the second signpost of my madness. 134 00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:05,857 I have no right to hide Ferlinghetti's rat poison 135 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:08,026 as I'd been doing, feeding the mouse instead, 136 00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:10,028 so like a dutiful guest in another man's cabin, 137 00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:11,996 I take the cover off the rat poison, 138 00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:15,700 but compromise by simply leaving the box on the top shelf. 139 00:12:21,307 --> 00:12:24,109 I go dancing off like a fool from my sweet retreat, 140 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,678 rucksack on back, after only three weeks 141 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,214 and really after only three or four days of boredom 142 00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:31,783 and go hankering back for the city. 143 00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:34,419 I figure I'll get a ride to Monterey real easy 144 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:37,155 and take the bus there and be in Frisco by nightfall 145 00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:39,524 for a big ball of wino yelling with the gang. 146 00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:42,327 I feel, in fact, Lew Welch ought to be back by now, 147 00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:44,395 or Neal Cassady will be ready for a ball, 148 00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:46,798 and there'll be girls and such and such, 149 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,567 forgetting entirely that only three weeks previous, 150 00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:52,437 I'd been sent fleeing from that city by the horrors. 151 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,339 This is the first time I've hitchhiked in years, 152 00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:57,809 and soon I begin to see that things have changed in America. 153 00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:59,778 You can't get a ride anymore, but, of course, 154 00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:02,247 especially on a strictly tourist road like this 155 00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:04,783 or coast highway with no trucks or business. 156 00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:06,451 But the tourists, bless their hearts, 157 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:08,453 after all, they couldn't know, 158 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:11,289 only think I'm having a big, happy hike with my rucksack, 159 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,390 and they drive on. 160 00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:16,127 [ Cars honking ] 161 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,729 [ Telephone rings ] 162 00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:24,669 [ Cable car bell rings ] 163 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,210 If you should ever stop using that smile, 164 00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:33,411 how could the world go on? 165 00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:34,546 [ Chuckles ] 166 00:13:34,548 --> 00:13:36,714 We were gonna come down to see you this weekend. 167 00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:38,249 You should have waited. Your mom wrote. 168 00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:39,951 She said your cat died. 169 00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:44,823 I'll go get the letter. 170 00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:48,626 My relationship with my cats has always been dotty. 171 00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:51,729 Some kind of psychological identification of the cats 172 00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,531 with my dead brother Gerard, 173 00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:56,367 who taught me to love cats when I was three and four 174 00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,937 and we used to lie on the floor on our bellies, 175 00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:01,706 then watch them lap up milk. 176 00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:04,142 The death of a cat means little to most men, 177 00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:07,645 but to me, it was exactly-- and no lie and sincerely-- 178 00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:10,348 like the death of my little brother. 179 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:13,084 What the hell? 180 00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,220 Why bother grown-up men and poets at that 181 00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:16,454 with your own troubles? 182 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,656 Maybe you should go back to the cabin 183 00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:20,658 for a couple of weeks, huh? 184 00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:23,761 Or are you just gonna get drunk again? 185 00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:25,430 I'm gonna get drunk, yes. 186 00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:27,866 You can go back soon, huh? 187 00:14:29,068 --> 00:14:30,101 Okay, Lorry. 188 00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:32,103 Did you write anything? 189 00:14:37,743 --> 00:14:38,977 We can drink to that. 190 00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:44,382 It's still a cat. 191 00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,919 I know he meant a lot to you. 192 00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:50,202 You know that's the way of things. 193 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:55,226 Hey, so by City Lights bookstore the other day, 194 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:58,162 there was a workman out in the front, you know, 195 00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:00,565 hammering away with a jackhammer really loud. 196 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,287 "Yahh." Right in the street. 197 00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:06,404 And the psychic above the studio leans out the window, 198 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,506 and he says, "When are you gonna stop 199 00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,642 making all that racket down there?" 200 00:15:10,644 --> 00:15:12,844 And the guy looks up, and he says, 201 00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:14,545 "You're the psychic, buddy. You tell me." 202 00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:15,546 Did you write that? 203 00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:18,683 No, I--I read it in the paper. 204 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:19,925 Herb Caen wrote it. 205 00:15:23,722 --> 00:15:24,803 Here's to Tyke. 206 00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:31,942 I'll go give Lew a call. 207 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,070 Yeah, Lew, this is Phil. 208 00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:41,539 Listen, I'm down with Jack at the bar. 209 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:42,874 Why don't you come down? 210 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:47,939 Old Jack! 211 00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:50,214 On the rocks, right? 212 00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:51,777 Hey, buddy. Hey. 213 00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:54,752 Drinking any less? 214 00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:56,020 Unless we're drinking. That we are. 215 00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:57,355 Can I get one of what he's having, please? 216 00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,691 Hey, go play a record or something. 217 00:15:59,693 --> 00:16:00,959 Right. 218 00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,460 Who's the kid? 219 00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:03,861 Kid I met named Paul Smith. 220 00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:05,897 He's a little scared of you, I think. 221 00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:07,732 He's a little starstruck. 222 00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,233 Yeah, apparently. 223 00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:10,234 Janie. Yeah, you know. 224 00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:11,269 Cheers. 225 00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:13,271 Didn't know you were gonna be here. 226 00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:15,039 Good to see you. Welcome back. 227 00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:16,708 I'm glad to be back. We missed you. 228 00:16:16,710 --> 00:16:18,643 I'm back. 229 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,411 So what are you doing back? What are you doing here? 230 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,747 I been hanging out at Big Sur. 231 00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:23,748 Really? Yeah. 232 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,416 Lawrence sent me down there. 233 00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,085 You know where in Big Sur? 234 00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:28,247 How was that? 235 00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:30,588 Paradise. 236 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:31,589 Wow. 237 00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,432 [ Glass clinks ] Thank you. 238 00:16:34,593 --> 00:16:37,562 [ Narrating ] I realized the unbearable anguish of insanity. 239 00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:40,531 Big ministers of states, 240 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:43,101 bishops walking around with a dirty behind. 241 00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:46,971 [ Narrating ] How uninformed people can be thinking insane people are happy. 242 00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:48,506 [ Echoing ] In America, they have these racks 243 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,608 of dry-cleaned clothes, like you see on trips. 244 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,777 And advertising firms with their neckties and their... 245 00:16:54,446 --> 00:16:56,080 Dinner. 246 00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,752 [ Indistinct conversations ] 247 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,494 [ Jazz playing ] 248 00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:14,499 A regular nuthouse actually and just exactly the image 249 00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,968 of what the journalists want to say about the Beat Generation. 250 00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:20,605 Nevertheless, a harmless and pleasant arrangement for young bachelors 251 00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:22,340 and a good idea in the long run, 252 00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:24,375 because you can rush into any room 253 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:25,410 and find the expert, 254 00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:26,878 like, say, Philip's room, and ask... 255 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,279 He said go fuck yourself. 256 00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:29,881 Make your mind like a wall. 257 00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,783 Don't pant over outside activities, 258 00:17:31,785 --> 00:17:33,451 and don't bug me with your outside plans. 259 00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:35,119 Or you go running into Lew Welch's room, 260 00:17:35,121 --> 00:17:37,588 and there he is sitting cross-legged on his mattress 261 00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,123 on the floor reading Jane Austen. 262 00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:40,425 Ain't nothing but a well-cooked beef and onion stew 263 00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:41,726 that you let cool afterwards. 264 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,528 Then you throw in mushrooms and lots of sour cream. 265 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:45,830 I'll come down and show you as soon as I finish a chapter. 266 00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:47,331 Or you go into Johnson's room 267 00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:48,332 and ask if you can borrow his tape recorder 268 00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:49,367 because at the moment, some funny things 269 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:50,568 are being said in the kitchen 270 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,703 by Michael McClure and Lawrence Ferlinghetti. 271 00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:55,073 There was Zen, jazz, booze, pot and all the works, 272 00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:58,476 but it was somehow obviated as a supposedly degenerate idea 273 00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:00,344 by the sight of a beatnik 274 00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:02,013 carefully painting the wall of his room 275 00:18:02,015 --> 00:18:03,981 in clean white with nice little red borders 276 00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:05,349 around the door and window frames. 277 00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:06,351 Yeah? 278 00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:10,288 WOMAN: Come on down, pal. 279 00:18:13,325 --> 00:18:15,359 Let's go see Neal. 280 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,872 My God, what the hell has happened? 281 00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:29,707 There's nothing but construction in the Valley now. 282 00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,008 Looks like Los Angeles. Yeah. 283 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,043 Population explosion's gonna cover 284 00:18:32,045 --> 00:18:33,911 every bit of backyard dirt in America. 285 00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:35,046 In fact, someday they'll have to start 286 00:18:35,048 --> 00:18:36,881 piling frigging levels of houses and others... 287 00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:39,684 I think I see a flying saucer in the sky over Los Gatos. 288 00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:41,052 It's five miles away. 289 00:18:41,054 --> 00:18:43,921 Yeah. It's just the top of a radio tower. 290 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,161 [ Narrating ] We're anxious to see great Neal Cassady, 291 00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:52,530 who was always the major part of my reason 292 00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:54,031 for journeying to the West Coast. 293 00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:55,666 I haven't seen Neal for several years, 294 00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,902 because mainly he just spent two years in San Quentin 295 00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:00,304 on a stupid charge of possession of marijuana. 296 00:19:02,774 --> 00:19:03,975 Neal actually loves his home, 297 00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,010 paid for by rail road insurance 298 00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:09,080 when he broke his leg trying to stop a boxcar from crashing. 299 00:19:09,082 --> 00:19:10,848 Loves his kids and especially his little son, 300 00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:12,750 Timmy John, partly named after me. 301 00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:14,485 And then there's Caroline. 302 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,053 She's got her mind on other things 303 00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:17,755 than taking care of the children, 304 00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:20,958 though all she really wants is to be alone with me and talk about Neal Cassady, 305 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,094 which includes the fact of Billie, his mistress, 306 00:19:23,096 --> 00:19:25,496 who has threatened to take Neal Cassady away completely. 307 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,098 In fact, I can see it now, 308 00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:28,733 a great big four-way marriage 309 00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:30,101 with Neal and Caroline. 310 00:19:30,103 --> 00:19:31,636 It is--[ grunts ] 311 00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,275 Hi, Caroline. 312 00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:38,609 Hey, Jack. 313 00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:42,046 All right, you guys come by around 1:00 314 00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:43,781 when the boss leaves, and watch me work, 315 00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:45,283 and keep me company a while, all right, 316 00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:47,051 before you go back to the city? 317 00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,886 Okay?! 318 00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:49,987 Yeah. 319 00:19:51,456 --> 00:19:52,656 [ Horn honks ] 320 00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:01,685 Neal doesn't like me drinking. 321 00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:03,601 Yeah. 322 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,838 I don't like some of the things Neal does either. 323 00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:15,426 We all have our something. 324 00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:22,520 Neal's little something lives in San Francisco. 325 00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:51,782 She might as well move in. 326 00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:55,219 I'll be your something. 327 00:20:57,456 --> 00:20:59,490 Yeah. 328 00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:02,493 I always said I had two husbands. 329 00:21:02,495 --> 00:21:04,415 You could have picked me. 330 00:21:07,032 --> 00:21:09,033 You're nobody's fool, Jack. 331 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:16,407 I can see in Neal's eyes 332 00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:18,743 that he can see in my own eyes the regret we both feel 333 00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:21,312 that recently we haven't had chances to talk 334 00:21:21,314 --> 00:21:24,515 like we used to do driving across America. 335 00:21:25,984 --> 00:21:27,685 Oh. Incoming! 336 00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:28,986 Whoo! 337 00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:31,389 [ Narrating ] Lew Welch now realizes 338 00:21:31,391 --> 00:21:33,257 why I've always loved Neal Cassady. 339 00:21:33,259 --> 00:21:34,592 Expecting to see a bitter ex-con, 340 00:21:34,594 --> 00:21:37,795 he sees instead a martyr of the American night in goggles 341 00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:39,664 in some dreary tire shop at 2 A.M. 342 00:21:39,666 --> 00:21:43,501 making fellows laugh with joy with his funny explanations, 343 00:21:43,503 --> 00:21:45,269 yet at the same time, to a T 344 00:21:45,271 --> 00:21:47,772 performing every bit of the work he's being paid for. 345 00:21:47,774 --> 00:21:50,241 And then had been reenlisted in the Army Reserves 346 00:21:50,243 --> 00:21:52,743 in active duty for the remainder of the war. 347 00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:53,744 Retread. 348 00:21:53,746 --> 00:21:55,012 My God, he can do all that, 349 00:21:55,014 --> 00:21:57,255 then even explain it while he's doing it. 350 00:21:57,883 --> 00:21:58,883 [ laughs ] 351 00:21:58,885 --> 00:22:00,251 Who wants to give it a try? 352 00:22:00,253 --> 00:22:01,585 I'm good. 353 00:22:01,587 --> 00:22:03,220 Come on, Jack. We know both know 354 00:22:03,222 --> 00:22:04,422 a little something about retreading. 355 00:22:04,424 --> 00:22:05,690 No, no, no. I'm fine where I am. 356 00:22:06,792 --> 00:22:08,726 [ Grunts ] Done! 357 00:22:08,728 --> 00:22:09,860 Paul. 358 00:22:11,063 --> 00:22:13,731 [ Narrating ] Neal really loves me like a brother. 359 00:22:13,733 --> 00:22:16,701 And more than that, he gets annoyed at me sometimes, 360 00:22:16,703 --> 00:22:20,571 especially when I fumble and bumble like with a bottle. 361 00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:29,847 Far from my clean cot on the porch in Big Sur, 362 00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:32,016 no blue jays yakking for me to wake up anymore, 363 00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:34,051 no gurgling creek. 364 00:22:37,189 --> 00:22:39,990 Waking up the next morning, groaning, of course, 365 00:22:39,992 --> 00:22:42,927 but this is the big day where we're going to visit 366 00:22:42,929 --> 00:22:46,597 poor Albert Saijo at the TB hospital in the Valley. 367 00:22:46,599 --> 00:22:48,566 Lew perks me up right away 368 00:22:48,568 --> 00:22:50,901 bringing coffee or wine, optional. 369 00:22:50,903 --> 00:22:54,038 Any drinker knows how the process works. 370 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,407 The first day when you get drunk is okay. 371 00:22:56,409 --> 00:22:57,808 The morning after means a big head, 372 00:22:57,810 --> 00:22:59,010 but you can kill that easy 373 00:22:59,011 --> 00:23:00,611 with a few more drinks and a meal. 374 00:23:00,613 --> 00:23:02,012 But if you pass up the meal 375 00:23:02,014 --> 00:23:03,414 and go on to another night's drunk 376 00:23:03,416 --> 00:23:05,049 and wake up to keep the toot going 377 00:23:05,051 --> 00:23:06,784 and then continue on the fourth day, 378 00:23:06,786 --> 00:23:09,120 there will come a day when drinks won't take effect, 379 00:23:09,122 --> 00:23:10,654 because you're chemically overloaded, 380 00:23:10,656 --> 00:23:13,357 and you'll have to sleep it off, but you can't sleep anymore, 381 00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:14,959 because it was the alcohol itself 382 00:23:14,961 --> 00:23:17,461 that made you sleep those last five nights. 383 00:23:17,463 --> 00:23:20,264 So delirium sets in, 384 00:23:20,266 --> 00:23:22,800 sleeplessness, sweats, trembling, 385 00:23:22,802 --> 00:23:24,034 a groaning feeling of weakness 386 00:23:24,036 --> 00:23:26,137 where your arms are numb and useless, 387 00:23:26,139 --> 00:23:29,607 nightmares, nightmares of death. 388 00:23:29,609 --> 00:23:30,808 She's a nudist, 389 00:23:30,810 --> 00:23:33,250 and, by God, she is gonna practice it. 390 00:23:36,748 --> 00:23:38,249 [ Narrating ] She's a big, beautiful brunette 391 00:23:38,251 --> 00:23:41,419 in the line of taste you might attribute to every slaky, 392 00:23:41,421 --> 00:23:43,454 hungry sex slave in the world, 393 00:23:43,456 --> 00:23:46,390 but also is intelligent, well-read, writes poetry, 394 00:23:46,392 --> 00:23:48,492 a Zen student, knows everything, 395 00:23:48,494 --> 00:23:51,228 who is in fact just a big, healthy, Romanian Jewess 396 00:23:51,230 --> 00:23:53,464 who wants to marry a good, hardy man 397 00:23:53,466 --> 00:23:57,001 and go live on a farm in the Valley. 398 00:23:58,103 --> 00:24:00,671 But I can't believe old Zen master Albert 399 00:24:00,673 --> 00:24:02,673 is going to allow his body to die. 400 00:24:02,675 --> 00:24:05,309 He's in a bathrobe and looks up at us almost displeased. 401 00:24:05,311 --> 00:24:08,179 He sighs, and the expression on his face says, 402 00:24:08,181 --> 00:24:10,881 "Well, ah, so you've come to see me because I'm sick, 403 00:24:10,883 --> 00:24:12,249 but what do you really want?" 404 00:24:12,251 --> 00:24:13,250 Hey. 405 00:24:13,252 --> 00:24:15,052 You're gonna be all right, Albert. 406 00:24:15,054 --> 00:24:16,353 I don't know. 407 00:24:16,355 --> 00:24:19,056 I guess all that dharma talk about everything is nothing 408 00:24:19,058 --> 00:24:20,791 is sinking in my bones. 409 00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:22,827 [ Narrating ] He really means, "I don't care." 410 00:24:22,829 --> 00:24:24,829 And always warm and courteous with me, 411 00:24:24,831 --> 00:24:27,431 he now hardly pays much of ragged beatniks. 412 00:24:27,433 --> 00:24:29,400 Do you remember those dancing girls in St. Louis? 413 00:24:29,402 --> 00:24:30,434 Whore candy. 414 00:24:30,436 --> 00:24:32,102 How about the nurses here, huh? 415 00:24:32,104 --> 00:24:33,103 They hot? 416 00:24:33,105 --> 00:24:35,139 There's one. 417 00:24:35,141 --> 00:24:36,774 [ Narrating ] But Albert doesn't care anymore, 418 00:24:36,776 --> 00:24:38,108 and, anyway, it's time to leave. 419 00:24:38,110 --> 00:24:40,878 The other kids are all back at the car 420 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:42,246 wondering what's keeping me. 421 00:24:42,248 --> 00:24:44,782 What's keeping me is that I know Albert will get better 422 00:24:44,784 --> 00:24:46,450 and live and teach the joyful truth, 423 00:24:46,452 --> 00:24:49,220 and Albert knows I know this. 424 00:24:49,222 --> 00:24:51,388 That's why he's playing the game with me, 425 00:24:51,390 --> 00:24:53,791 the magic game of glad freedom, 426 00:24:53,793 --> 00:24:56,393 which is that Zen or, for that matter, the Japanese soul 427 00:24:56,395 --> 00:24:59,096 ultimately means I say. 428 00:24:59,098 --> 00:25:01,465 And someday I will go to Japan with Albert, 429 00:25:01,467 --> 00:25:02,733 I tell myself, 430 00:25:02,735 --> 00:25:05,035 because I've heard the supper bell, right? 431 00:25:05,037 --> 00:25:07,304 And knowing Albert's fantastic appetite, 432 00:25:07,306 --> 00:25:09,540 I don't want to hang him up. 433 00:25:10,909 --> 00:25:13,477 Though he nevertheless does one last trick. 434 00:25:53,418 --> 00:25:55,719 [ Telephone rings ] 435 00:25:58,156 --> 00:26:01,158 [ Ring ] 436 00:26:02,494 --> 00:26:04,028 [ Ring ] 437 00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:06,564 Yeah? 438 00:26:06,566 --> 00:26:08,232 I lost that tire job. 439 00:26:08,234 --> 00:26:10,000 Because we were there? Nah, nah, nah. 440 00:26:10,002 --> 00:26:11,835 He's got to lay off some men. 441 00:26:11,837 --> 00:26:14,438 Everything's all fucked up down here, Jack. 442 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:15,639 So, uh... 443 00:26:18,376 --> 00:26:20,044 loan me $100, will you? 444 00:26:20,046 --> 00:26:22,146 I'll be right down and give you $100. 445 00:26:22,148 --> 00:26:23,781 Really? [ chuckles ] 446 00:26:23,783 --> 00:26:25,950 Ah, listen. Listen. 447 00:26:25,952 --> 00:26:29,053 You can just loan it to me, but if you insist. 448 00:26:29,055 --> 00:26:31,322 How you gonna get down here and give me that money then, huh? 449 00:26:31,324 --> 00:26:32,389 I'll have Lew drive me down. 450 00:26:32,391 --> 00:26:34,325 Really? Yeah, you'll do that? 451 00:26:34,327 --> 00:26:36,360 [ Chuckles ] Ah, listen, 452 00:26:36,362 --> 00:26:38,362 I'll pay the rent with it right away. 453 00:26:38,364 --> 00:26:40,497 It's Friday, right? 454 00:26:40,499 --> 00:26:42,266 Or what day is it, Thursday? Yeah, it's Thursday, 455 00:26:42,268 --> 00:26:44,702 so I don't need to be looking for a new job till Monday, 456 00:26:44,704 --> 00:26:47,371 so you and me, we can hang out and talk like we used to do, 457 00:26:47,373 --> 00:26:49,907 and I will demolish you at chess. 458 00:26:49,909 --> 00:26:51,675 Maybe even go see a baseball game, 459 00:26:51,677 --> 00:26:53,878 maybe go sneaking into town and see my-- 460 00:26:53,879 --> 00:26:56,479 see my pretty little baby. What do you say? 461 00:26:57,682 --> 00:26:59,442 All right, I'll see you soon. 462 00:27:06,024 --> 00:27:07,925 I ask Lew, and, yes, he's ready, 463 00:27:07,927 --> 00:27:10,027 and, yes, he's ready to go any time. 464 00:27:10,029 --> 00:27:11,228 He's just following me, 465 00:27:11,230 --> 00:27:12,930 like I often follow people myself, 466 00:27:12,932 --> 00:27:14,765 and so off we go again. 467 00:27:16,034 --> 00:27:19,703 The idea suddenly comes to me for Lew and me and Neal 468 00:27:19,705 --> 00:27:23,173 to go to the cabin and spend a big, quiet, crazy weekend, 469 00:27:23,175 --> 00:27:25,709 but when Ferlinghetti hears this, he'll come, too. 470 00:27:25,711 --> 00:27:28,178 In fact, he'll bring his little Chinese buddy, Victor Wong, 471 00:27:28,180 --> 00:27:30,114 and we'll catch Michael McClure at Santa Cruz 472 00:27:30,116 --> 00:27:32,016 and go visit Henry Miller, 473 00:27:32,018 --> 00:27:35,052 and suddenly another big, huge ball has begun. 474 00:27:45,130 --> 00:27:47,231 I'll just spend a couple days with Jack and the gang 475 00:27:47,233 --> 00:27:49,767 and look for a new job Monday. 476 00:27:49,769 --> 00:27:51,101 Bye. There you go. 477 00:27:51,103 --> 00:27:52,202 Have fun. 478 00:27:55,774 --> 00:27:57,041 Whoo! 479 00:27:58,043 --> 00:27:59,164 Get out. 480 00:28:00,545 --> 00:28:02,212 [ Sighs ] 481 00:28:28,807 --> 00:28:30,140 Well... 482 00:28:35,447 --> 00:28:36,714 The air's so good. 483 00:28:36,716 --> 00:28:38,682 Here we go. Thank you. 484 00:28:38,684 --> 00:28:41,764 Not that I'm talking about us or anybody in particular. 485 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:43,754 [ laughs ] 486 00:28:47,092 --> 00:28:49,026 I wouldn't even dare that. 487 00:28:49,028 --> 00:28:50,794 Must be awful at night. 488 00:28:50,796 --> 00:28:53,030 Reminds me of the old Colorado, by God. 489 00:28:53,032 --> 00:28:55,532 It's like they say. It's like a cathedral of redwoods. 490 00:28:55,534 --> 00:28:58,402 This is the kind of place where you should really be alone, you know. 491 00:28:58,404 --> 00:29:00,871 There's such a sad sweetness to these trees, 492 00:29:00,873 --> 00:29:03,233 as though yelling would insult them. 493 00:29:21,826 --> 00:29:24,161 Whoo! 494 00:29:32,170 --> 00:29:33,370 Whoo! 495 00:29:36,975 --> 00:29:39,076 Hey, over here, Lawrence! 496 00:29:40,712 --> 00:29:42,613 [ laughs ] 497 00:29:54,826 --> 00:29:56,693 McClure is the handsome young poet 498 00:29:56,695 --> 00:29:58,896 who's just written the most fantastic poem 499 00:29:58,898 --> 00:30:00,464 in America called "Dark Brown," 500 00:30:00,466 --> 00:30:02,533 which is every detail of his and his wife's body 501 00:30:02,535 --> 00:30:04,701 described in ecstatic union and communion 502 00:30:04,703 --> 00:30:06,870 and inside out and every which way, 503 00:30:06,872 --> 00:30:09,840 and not only that, he insists on reading it to us. 504 00:30:09,842 --> 00:30:12,075 But I want to read my sea poem, too. 505 00:30:12,077 --> 00:30:14,745 "Let me be a torch to myself. 506 00:30:14,747 --> 00:30:17,915 "Oh, heart-sick, burn strive past the drift-ease 507 00:30:17,917 --> 00:30:21,685 "to the depth within, making a film of the gene over the surface. 508 00:30:21,687 --> 00:30:25,022 Say meat hand the hand black in the deed as this damned pleasure!" 509 00:30:25,024 --> 00:30:27,524 Whoo! [ cheering ] 510 00:30:27,526 --> 00:30:28,792 You are beautiful! 511 00:30:28,794 --> 00:30:30,961 [ Narrating ] Too many people now want to talk to us 512 00:30:30,963 --> 00:30:32,462 and tell us their stories. 513 00:30:32,464 --> 00:30:36,533 We've been hemmed in and surrounded and outnumbered. 514 00:30:36,535 --> 00:30:39,937 The circles closed in on the old heroes of the night. 515 00:30:42,574 --> 00:30:44,815 That's what he told me last week. 516 00:30:49,013 --> 00:30:50,848 Uh-oh. 517 00:30:54,018 --> 00:30:56,019 Oh, what was it? 518 00:31:01,826 --> 00:31:03,160 Oh, yes. 519 00:31:03,162 --> 00:31:05,128 [ Narrating ] I've gotten the idea in my head 520 00:31:05,130 --> 00:31:07,698 I'm the leader of a guerilla warfare unit, 521 00:31:07,700 --> 00:31:10,100 and I'm marching ahead, the lieutenant giving orders. 522 00:31:10,102 --> 00:31:12,002 With all our flashlights and yells, 523 00:31:12,004 --> 00:31:13,704 we come swarming down the narrow path, 524 00:31:13,706 --> 00:31:15,105 going hup, one, two, three, 525 00:31:15,107 --> 00:31:17,741 and challenging the enemy to come out of hiding. 526 00:31:17,743 --> 00:31:20,744 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 527 00:31:20,746 --> 00:31:22,946 [ Muted chatter ] 528 00:31:24,649 --> 00:31:25,849 Hey, Jack! Jack. 529 00:31:25,851 --> 00:31:27,551 Whoo! You got to see this, man. 530 00:31:27,553 --> 00:31:29,887 The night ending with everybody passing out 531 00:31:29,889 --> 00:31:32,489 exhausted on cots, in sleeping bags. 532 00:31:32,491 --> 00:31:34,524 Outside, McClure goes home with wife. 533 00:31:34,526 --> 00:31:37,027 Victor and I by late fire keep up, 534 00:31:37,029 --> 00:31:39,429 yelling spontaneous questions and answers 535 00:31:39,431 --> 00:31:41,765 right till dawn like. 536 00:32:16,801 --> 00:32:21,605 Circles momentarily complete 537 00:32:21,607 --> 00:32:23,774 the balance of forces 538 00:32:23,776 --> 00:32:26,009 lying together 539 00:32:26,011 --> 00:32:29,313 into love that never have slipped out. 540 00:32:30,315 --> 00:32:31,315 [ Kiss ] 541 00:32:31,317 --> 00:32:32,883 I kiss your shoulder, 542 00:32:32,885 --> 00:32:34,885 and it reeks of lust. 543 00:32:38,189 --> 00:32:42,292 Well, Jack, I didn't get a chance to talk to you yesterday 544 00:32:42,294 --> 00:32:47,431 or last year or even 10 years ago when I first met you. 545 00:32:47,433 --> 00:32:50,300 You know, I can remember being so terrified 546 00:32:50,302 --> 00:32:51,635 when I first met you and Neal. 547 00:32:51,637 --> 00:32:53,737 You looked like a couple of bank robbers or car thieves. 548 00:32:53,739 --> 00:32:57,374 You know, all this sneery stuff they've written against us, 549 00:32:57,376 --> 00:33:00,877 against San Francisco, against Beat poetry writers, 550 00:33:00,879 --> 00:33:03,814 that's because none of us really look like that. 551 00:33:03,816 --> 00:33:06,850 We don't look like writers or intellectuals or anything. 552 00:33:08,686 --> 00:33:11,621 I--I must say that you and Neal, well, 553 00:33:11,623 --> 00:33:13,957 you look pretty awful in a way. 554 00:33:13,959 --> 00:33:16,460 I--I must say that, you know, well, 555 00:33:16,462 --> 00:33:18,362 let's just say you've seen better days. 556 00:33:18,364 --> 00:33:21,765 Man, you ought to go to Hollywood and play Billy the Kid. 557 00:33:21,767 --> 00:33:24,768 What I'd rather do is go to Hollywood and play Rimbaud. 558 00:33:24,770 --> 00:33:26,303 Well, you can't play Jean Harlow. 559 00:33:26,305 --> 00:33:28,071 You know what I really want? 560 00:33:29,807 --> 00:33:33,076 I want to get "Dark Brown" published in Paris. 561 00:33:33,078 --> 00:33:35,312 So, if ever possible-- I don't know-- 562 00:33:35,314 --> 00:33:39,316 a word from you to Gallimard or Girodias, 563 00:33:39,318 --> 00:33:42,319 it--it would help. 564 00:33:43,688 --> 00:33:45,055 I don't know. 565 00:33:46,557 --> 00:33:49,760 You know, when I first read your book of poems, "Mexico City Blues," 566 00:33:49,762 --> 00:33:52,763 I turned around, and I started writing completely differently. 567 00:33:52,765 --> 00:33:54,331 Everything changed, man. 568 00:33:54,333 --> 00:33:56,867 That book... 569 00:33:56,869 --> 00:33:58,335 it enlightened me. 570 00:33:58,337 --> 00:34:00,170 That's nothing like what you do. 571 00:34:00,172 --> 00:34:01,838 In fact, it's miles away. 572 00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,775 I'm a language spinner, and you're an idea man. 573 00:34:26,964 --> 00:34:28,732 [ laughter ] 574 00:34:28,734 --> 00:34:32,636 I used to do this in a work gang in southern Arizona. 575 00:34:32,638 --> 00:34:34,004 Who's got the chops? 576 00:34:34,006 --> 00:34:36,573 Lawrence, show 'em how it's done! 577 00:34:36,575 --> 00:34:38,642 No tree was left alive. 578 00:34:38,644 --> 00:34:40,444 [ laughter ] 579 00:34:40,446 --> 00:34:43,680 [ Narrating ] I realized you can always study the character of a man 580 00:34:43,682 --> 00:34:45,215 by the way he chops wood. 581 00:34:45,217 --> 00:34:49,052 Ferlinghetti took neat, little, short-handled chops. 582 00:34:49,054 --> 00:34:50,053 Oh, whoa. 583 00:34:50,055 --> 00:34:52,022 Whereas old Whalen slogged away, 584 00:34:52,024 --> 00:34:54,257 I guess, the way he learned in Oregon, 585 00:34:54,259 --> 00:34:56,219 getting his job done silently, not a word. 586 00:34:57,962 --> 00:34:59,563 Little Victor thereupon tried his luck, 587 00:34:59,565 --> 00:35:01,965 but gave up after five strokes. 588 00:35:01,967 --> 00:35:04,534 The ax was likely to carry him away anyway. 589 00:35:07,472 --> 00:35:11,541 I'm really happy for the first time in three years. 590 00:35:16,848 --> 00:35:19,916 Then Lew Welch demonstrated with big, easy strokes, 591 00:35:19,918 --> 00:35:22,519 and in no time, we had five huge logs to use. 592 00:35:30,962 --> 00:35:33,463 Neal's fantastic, fiery character showed 593 00:35:33,465 --> 00:35:37,267 in the way he went at that log with horrible force. 594 00:35:37,269 --> 00:35:39,769 When he brought down that ax with all his might 595 00:35:39,771 --> 00:35:41,905 and holding it far at the end, 596 00:35:41,907 --> 00:35:43,640 you could hear the whole tree trunk 597 00:35:43,642 --> 00:35:46,209 groaning the whole length inside. 598 00:35:46,211 --> 00:35:48,111 He brought that ax down so hard, 599 00:35:48,113 --> 00:35:50,480 his feet left the Earth when it hit. 600 00:35:50,482 --> 00:35:54,718 It was like an example of vast, but senseless strength. 601 00:35:56,754 --> 00:36:00,323 He chopped off his log with the fury of a Greek god. 602 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:04,661 ♪ Whop, de-doo whop, whop, de-doo whop... ♪ 603 00:36:04,663 --> 00:36:06,963 Now it was time to get in the cars. 604 00:36:06,965 --> 00:36:10,167 McClure had rearrived, and we go driving south down the Coast Highway 605 00:36:10,169 --> 00:36:12,102 to a hot springs bathhouse down there, 606 00:36:12,104 --> 00:36:13,837 which sounded good to me at first. 607 00:36:13,839 --> 00:36:17,174 The boys reassure me the hot springs bath will do me good. 608 00:36:17,176 --> 00:36:20,110 They see I'm gloomy, now hungover for good. 609 00:36:21,112 --> 00:36:22,712 [ Overlapping chatter ] 610 00:36:28,352 --> 00:36:31,555 Look, there's a dead otter down here. 611 00:36:31,557 --> 00:36:33,523 But when we arrive, my heart sinks again 612 00:36:33,525 --> 00:36:34,824 as McClure points out to sea 613 00:36:34,826 --> 00:36:37,460 from the balcony of the outdoor pools. 614 00:36:37,462 --> 00:36:40,830 And sure enough, it is a dead otter, I guess, 615 00:36:40,832 --> 00:36:42,499 a big, brown pale lump 616 00:36:42,501 --> 00:36:44,100 floating up and down mournfully... 617 00:36:44,102 --> 00:36:45,101 It's just an otter. 618 00:36:45,103 --> 00:36:47,437 With the swells in the ghastly weeds. 619 00:36:47,439 --> 00:36:49,839 "My otter. Why did he die?" 620 00:36:49,841 --> 00:36:53,443 I ask myself in despair. Why do they do that? 621 00:36:53,445 --> 00:36:55,579 What's the sense of all this? 622 00:37:02,553 --> 00:37:06,856 I borrow McClure's yellow bathing suit and get in. 623 00:37:06,858 --> 00:37:08,825 It's very typical of me and Neal 624 00:37:08,827 --> 00:37:09,926 that we won't undress in this situation. 625 00:37:09,928 --> 00:37:11,228 We were both raised Catholics, 626 00:37:11,230 --> 00:37:14,831 supposedly the big sex heroes of our generation. 627 00:37:14,833 --> 00:37:17,167 Not to mention that when somebody informs me 628 00:37:17,169 --> 00:37:19,402 this bathhouse is owned by the young writer Kevin Cudahy, 629 00:37:19,404 --> 00:37:21,538 whom I knew very well in New York. 630 00:37:21,540 --> 00:37:23,673 I ask one of the young strangers, "Where's Kevin Cudahy?" 631 00:37:23,675 --> 00:37:25,075 He doesn't even deign to reply. 632 00:37:25,077 --> 00:37:27,210 Thinking he hasn't heard me, I ask again. 633 00:37:27,212 --> 00:37:28,411 No reply. No notice. 634 00:37:28,413 --> 00:37:30,981 I ask a third time, it all adds up to the confusion 635 00:37:30,983 --> 00:37:33,817 that's beginning to pile up in my battered drinking brain anyway. 636 00:37:33,819 --> 00:37:37,120 The constant reminders of death, not the least of which 637 00:37:37,122 --> 00:37:39,522 was the death of my peaceful love of Bixby Canyon 638 00:37:39,524 --> 00:37:41,424 now suddenly becoming a horror. 639 00:37:46,397 --> 00:37:49,199 [ Muted chatter ] 640 00:37:50,935 --> 00:37:51,935 Michael. 641 00:37:57,475 --> 00:37:59,009 Cheers. 642 00:37:59,011 --> 00:38:00,010 To you. 643 00:38:00,012 --> 00:38:03,179 [ laughs ] 644 00:38:06,651 --> 00:38:08,084 All right, ready? 645 00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:11,507 No, you play for me. 646 00:38:16,861 --> 00:38:20,563 [ Moaning ] 647 00:38:26,937 --> 00:38:28,338 Hey, morning. 648 00:38:30,041 --> 00:38:32,809 It looks like everybody else, um, took off. 649 00:38:32,811 --> 00:38:34,611 Is it all right if I stay? 650 00:38:34,613 --> 00:38:37,180 I couldn't think of any way to reject his request 651 00:38:37,182 --> 00:38:39,082 in a harmless way, so said yes. 652 00:38:39,084 --> 00:38:41,484 I--Yeah, I don't really have a ride, so... 653 00:38:41,486 --> 00:38:43,953 So when they all left suddenly, I was alone 654 00:38:43,955 --> 00:38:45,422 with this mad beatnik kid, 655 00:38:45,424 --> 00:38:47,490 singing, "All I want to do is sleep." 656 00:38:47,492 --> 00:38:48,591 You want some salami? 657 00:38:48,593 --> 00:38:49,826 I mean... 658 00:38:49,828 --> 00:38:52,069 yeah, I don't really have a ride. 659 00:38:52,330 --> 00:38:54,731 [ Groans ] 660 00:38:54,733 --> 00:38:56,232 But I've got to make the best of it 661 00:38:56,234 --> 00:38:58,068 and not disappoint his believing heart, 662 00:38:58,070 --> 00:39:00,337 because, after all, the poor kid actually believes 663 00:39:00,339 --> 00:39:03,473 that there's something noble and idealistic about this Beat stuff, 664 00:39:03,475 --> 00:39:06,276 and I'm supposed to be the king of the beatniks. 665 00:39:09,613 --> 00:39:11,414 A dead mouse. 666 00:39:15,019 --> 00:39:16,319 Whoa! 667 00:39:16,321 --> 00:39:19,122 Hey, you got to watch out for snakes, huh? 668 00:39:19,124 --> 00:39:21,604 Never can tell which kind it's gonna be. 669 00:40:25,156 --> 00:40:27,323 NEAL: Happy birthday, Jack! 670 00:40:27,325 --> 00:40:29,292 Happy birthday! [ laughter ] 671 00:40:29,294 --> 00:40:31,227 Oh, I have good news for you. 672 00:40:31,229 --> 00:40:35,331 I have brought Caroline and Emily and Gaby and Timothy, 673 00:40:35,333 --> 00:40:38,535 because all of us are so grateful and glad because of your $100. 674 00:40:38,537 --> 00:40:40,703 I have the most fantastic story to tell you. 675 00:40:40,705 --> 00:40:42,172 Come on. Let's get him outside and tell the story. 676 00:40:42,174 --> 00:40:43,173 Come on, get up! 677 00:40:43,175 --> 00:40:44,741 Come on, get up! 678 00:40:44,743 --> 00:40:46,676 Here, take him. Take him. Take him. 679 00:40:46,678 --> 00:40:50,213 So I have to have my old good buddies push it down the road for me, 680 00:40:50,215 --> 00:40:52,415 and this guy, he had this perfect gem of a Cadillac. 681 00:40:52,417 --> 00:40:55,285 A Cadillac, mind you, with a new radio-- get in-- 682 00:40:55,287 --> 00:40:56,286 and new headlights 683 00:40:56,288 --> 00:40:57,420 and a this-a and that-a 684 00:40:57,422 --> 00:40:59,055 down to the new set of tires. 685 00:40:59,057 --> 00:41:01,357 Oh, and the color, the color that'll knock you out. 686 00:41:01,359 --> 00:41:02,559 And a new job. 687 00:41:02,561 --> 00:41:05,128 Jack, I got a new job along with a new Cadillac, 688 00:41:05,130 --> 00:41:07,630 a new job in downtown Los Gatos, 689 00:41:07,632 --> 00:41:10,066 where I don't even have to drive. 690 00:41:10,068 --> 00:41:12,001 I don't even have to drive. 691 00:41:12,003 --> 00:41:14,871 It's a half mile, Jack. I can walk. 692 00:41:14,873 --> 00:41:16,673 Listen to that. [ jazz playing ] 693 00:41:16,675 --> 00:41:17,807 That is it. 694 00:41:17,809 --> 00:41:19,776 Ah. 695 00:41:19,778 --> 00:41:22,378 Ah, that is it. 696 00:41:23,414 --> 00:41:25,114 CAROLINE: Go, girls! Get him! 697 00:41:25,116 --> 00:41:28,418 NEAL: I tell you, being away from the men, I lost time, brother. 698 00:41:28,420 --> 00:41:29,719 I lost more than time. 699 00:41:29,721 --> 00:41:32,455 I lost a piece of soul, but I'm getting it back! 700 00:41:32,457 --> 00:41:34,424 [ Yells ] 701 00:41:34,426 --> 00:41:35,925 [ Jazz continues ] 702 00:41:35,927 --> 00:41:38,361 [ laughs ] 703 00:41:41,165 --> 00:41:43,233 Neal has gotta learn to control 704 00:41:43,235 --> 00:41:46,269 the enormous forces that run inside of him. 705 00:41:48,606 --> 00:41:50,039 You speaking to me? 706 00:41:51,308 --> 00:41:52,976 What are you doing, Jack? 707 00:41:54,011 --> 00:41:55,931 You see that grove there? 708 00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:59,115 Once in a while, you'll be surprised out of your shoes 709 00:41:59,117 --> 00:42:02,151 to see the mule quietly meditating... 710 00:42:02,153 --> 00:42:03,419 [ laughs ] 711 00:42:03,421 --> 00:42:06,322 With locks of hair like Ruth's over his forehead, 712 00:42:06,324 --> 00:42:08,024 a big biblical mule meditating. 713 00:42:08,026 --> 00:42:09,025 [ laughs ] 714 00:42:09,027 --> 00:42:11,928 But up here, look at that bridge. 715 00:42:11,930 --> 00:42:13,863 Yeah. Now, what do you think of that? 716 00:42:13,865 --> 00:42:15,331 It's big. 717 00:42:17,935 --> 00:42:20,937 A man needs truth like a machine needs oil. 718 00:42:22,206 --> 00:42:24,073 Truth? 719 00:42:24,075 --> 00:42:26,242 Well, then there's Neal. 720 00:42:26,244 --> 00:42:28,578 He just manicures his little white lies 721 00:42:28,580 --> 00:42:31,681 so much that they turn into black ones. 722 00:42:31,683 --> 00:42:33,383 I don't know. 723 00:42:33,385 --> 00:42:34,651 [ Chuckles ] 724 00:42:34,653 --> 00:42:37,320 Oh, you will. 725 00:42:37,322 --> 00:42:39,322 Yeah, you will. 726 00:42:45,529 --> 00:42:47,030 All right. 727 00:43:09,820 --> 00:43:11,287 [ Radio playing music ] 728 00:43:11,289 --> 00:43:13,089 You and me, we're gonna go-- 729 00:43:13,091 --> 00:43:15,825 we're gonna go flying down that Bayshore Highway 730 00:43:15,827 --> 00:43:18,127 and go rubbing shoulders into that city. 731 00:43:18,129 --> 00:43:20,096 Then we're going to go popping up 732 00:43:20,098 --> 00:43:22,832 into my sweet little baby Wilhelmina. 733 00:43:22,834 --> 00:43:26,402 I'm gonna leave you two little lovebirds days on end alone 734 00:43:26,404 --> 00:43:30,039 so you can just live and enjoy that gone little woman, 735 00:43:30,041 --> 00:43:31,874 because, I tell you, 736 00:43:31,876 --> 00:43:34,844 I want her to dig every possible thing 737 00:43:34,846 --> 00:43:38,047 you have to tell her about what it is that you know, you hear? 738 00:43:38,049 --> 00:43:41,217 'Cause she is my-- 739 00:43:41,219 --> 00:43:43,019 you know, she's my soul mate, 740 00:43:43,021 --> 00:43:44,253 my confidante, 741 00:43:44,255 --> 00:43:46,322 my mistress, and I want her 742 00:43:46,324 --> 00:43:48,591 to learn, to be happy. 743 00:43:49,927 --> 00:43:51,294 What's she look like? 744 00:43:51,296 --> 00:43:52,295 [ laughs ] 745 00:43:52,297 --> 00:43:54,397 [ Chuckles ] 746 00:43:54,399 --> 00:43:55,765 She's all right. 747 00:43:55,767 --> 00:43:58,201 She's got a gone little body, I'll tell you that. 748 00:43:58,203 --> 00:44:04,107 But in bed, oh, she's the first and only 749 00:44:04,109 --> 00:44:07,377 and last possible greatest thing. 750 00:44:07,379 --> 00:44:08,544 You dig? 751 00:44:10,681 --> 00:44:11,721 I dig. 752 00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:25,361 ♪ Ah, ah, ah 753 00:44:26,730 --> 00:44:28,650 ♪ Ah, ah, ah... [ pants ] 754 00:44:30,367 --> 00:44:33,036 You're here! [ laughing ] 755 00:44:33,038 --> 00:44:34,937 [ Grunts ] 756 00:44:46,917 --> 00:44:48,384 [ Narrating ] It's Lucien. 757 00:44:48,386 --> 00:44:50,153 My God, it's Lucien. 758 00:44:50,155 --> 00:44:52,255 Neal hates Lucien, and Lucien hates Neal. 759 00:44:57,061 --> 00:44:59,495 You look like Lucien, but you're not Lucien, 760 00:44:59,497 --> 00:45:02,732 and on top of that, you're a woman. How goddamn strange. 761 00:45:20,150 --> 00:45:22,418 So I'm gonna go back to Los Gatos 762 00:45:22,420 --> 00:45:24,921 and get some sleep before I have to work. 763 00:45:24,923 --> 00:45:26,556 Poor Neal Cassady. Yet, you see, 764 00:45:26,558 --> 00:45:28,191 I've already explained why actually subconsciously 765 00:45:28,193 --> 00:45:30,126 this is what he really wants to happen, 766 00:45:30,128 --> 00:45:31,561 but he won't admit it ever 767 00:45:31,563 --> 00:45:32,995 and always invents reasons around this 768 00:45:32,997 --> 00:45:35,531 to get mad at me and call me a bastard. 769 00:45:37,134 --> 00:45:38,768 I even see in my drunkenness 770 00:45:38,770 --> 00:45:41,471 a little worried flutter in Neal Cassady's eyes. 771 00:45:43,107 --> 00:45:44,907 [ Giggles ] 772 00:45:48,378 --> 00:45:50,579 I'll come back tomorrow. 773 00:45:58,222 --> 00:46:00,223 Her voice is the main point. 774 00:46:00,225 --> 00:46:01,758 She talks with a broken heart. 775 00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:04,293 Her voice lutes brokenly like a heart lost, 776 00:46:04,295 --> 00:46:06,429 musically, too, like in a lost groove. 777 00:46:06,431 --> 00:46:08,564 I just marvel and stare at her mouth, 778 00:46:08,566 --> 00:46:10,566 wondering where all the beauty is coming from and why. 779 00:46:10,568 --> 00:46:13,569 And we end up making love sweetly, too. 780 00:46:13,571 --> 00:46:15,238 A little blonde well experienced 781 00:46:15,240 --> 00:46:17,373 in all the facets of lovemaking. 782 00:46:18,542 --> 00:46:20,977 Why is it dark outside? 783 00:46:20,979 --> 00:46:23,646 Why did the sun shine yesterday? 784 00:46:23,648 --> 00:46:25,748 Doesn't he bother you with all these questions? 785 00:46:25,750 --> 00:46:28,117 [ Narrating ] He's one of the weirdest persons I've ever met. 786 00:46:28,119 --> 00:46:30,887 I answer him because I may be missing his next question. 787 00:46:30,889 --> 00:46:33,523 Everything he asks me and says to me 788 00:46:33,525 --> 00:46:36,492 represents something important about the absolute I may be missing. 789 00:46:37,795 --> 00:46:40,263 He has large, liquid brown eyes, very beautiful, 790 00:46:40,265 --> 00:46:43,266 and he hates anybody who comes near his mother 791 00:46:43,268 --> 00:46:45,568 and keeps asking her questions constantly. 792 00:46:45,570 --> 00:46:47,003 What do you mean about the absolute? 793 00:46:47,005 --> 00:46:50,473 You yourself said everything is the absolute. 794 00:46:50,475 --> 00:46:52,208 But, of course, she's right. 795 00:46:52,210 --> 00:46:54,877 And I realize that, in my dirty old soul, 796 00:46:54,879 --> 00:46:56,612 I'm already jealous of Elliott. 797 00:47:01,351 --> 00:47:03,352 [ Footsteps echoing ] 798 00:47:06,523 --> 00:47:07,990 Hey, darling. 799 00:47:07,992 --> 00:47:10,059 You hungry? 800 00:47:10,061 --> 00:47:12,128 Yeah? Okay. 801 00:47:15,432 --> 00:47:17,466 Oh. 802 00:47:17,468 --> 00:47:18,801 Here we go. 803 00:47:18,803 --> 00:47:20,469 Lots and lots of milk, right? 804 00:47:22,906 --> 00:47:24,874 There you go. 805 00:47:24,876 --> 00:47:25,975 Bye. 806 00:47:31,615 --> 00:47:33,149 I feel myself skidding. 807 00:47:34,484 --> 00:47:38,287 At night, Billie comes home, and we pitch into love again 808 00:47:38,289 --> 00:47:40,189 like monsters who don't know what else to do. 809 00:47:40,191 --> 00:47:43,426 And by now, I'm too blurry to know what's going on anyway, 810 00:47:43,428 --> 00:47:45,995 though she reassures me everything is all right. 811 00:47:47,097 --> 00:47:48,965 We're already going to get married 812 00:47:48,967 --> 00:47:51,434 and fly away to Mexico in a week. 813 00:47:54,004 --> 00:47:57,306 In fact, I can see it now, 814 00:47:57,308 --> 00:47:59,375 a great big four-way marriage 815 00:47:59,377 --> 00:48:00,977 with Neal and Caroline. 816 00:48:33,477 --> 00:48:34,810 I feel myself skidding 817 00:48:34,812 --> 00:48:36,545 also because, during the following week, 818 00:48:36,547 --> 00:48:39,582 I keep sitting in the same chair by the goldfish bowl, 819 00:48:39,584 --> 00:48:41,450 drinking bottle after bottle of port 820 00:48:41,452 --> 00:48:43,286 like an automaton worrying about something. 821 00:48:43,288 --> 00:48:45,821 Ferlinghetti comes to visit, McClure, almost everybody. 822 00:48:46,823 --> 00:48:50,059 So Neal's secret is public, huh? 823 00:48:52,162 --> 00:48:54,330 [ Narrating ] They call to me dashing up the stairs, 824 00:48:54,332 --> 00:48:56,666 and we have long, drunken days talking, 825 00:48:56,668 --> 00:48:59,135 but I never seem to get out of that chair 826 00:48:59,137 --> 00:49:02,217 and never even take another delightful warm bath reading books. 827 00:49:04,041 --> 00:49:06,542 You should only drink white wine, Jack. 828 00:49:09,079 --> 00:49:12,915 That'll kill you. 829 00:49:24,027 --> 00:49:25,027 Hello. 830 00:49:25,029 --> 00:49:26,896 Are you gonna come back and get me here? 831 00:49:26,898 --> 00:49:28,364 I'm feeling like I'm hiding the weapon. 832 00:49:28,366 --> 00:49:31,400 In a few days. Just stay there. 833 00:49:31,402 --> 00:49:33,469 Have you heard about that? 834 00:49:33,471 --> 00:49:35,137 There's this strange group of, 835 00:49:35,139 --> 00:49:37,540 uh, beatniks or whatever. 836 00:49:37,542 --> 00:49:40,543 A-And they wear the most--the most dandy clothes, 837 00:49:40,545 --> 00:49:42,178 you know, or they'll turn around 838 00:49:42,180 --> 00:49:44,246 a-and have these fancy pants, 839 00:49:44,248 --> 00:49:46,148 unpressed, of course, 840 00:49:46,150 --> 00:49:48,718 with torn sneakers. 841 00:49:48,720 --> 00:49:50,820 LEW: Jack, you know what Lenora and I did the other day? 842 00:49:50,822 --> 00:49:52,421 We went and saw the "The Wizard of Oz." 843 00:49:52,423 --> 00:49:53,689 Lenora after the movie thought it would be fun 844 00:49:53,691 --> 00:49:54,757 if we maybe had sex with a midget 845 00:49:54,759 --> 00:49:56,459 or something or a munchkin or--you know. 846 00:49:56,461 --> 00:49:58,928 I don't know, though. I've never had sex with a midget or a munchkin. 847 00:49:58,930 --> 00:50:00,796 You know what's freaking me out are those fish. 848 00:50:00,798 --> 00:50:02,231 I don't understand that their world is-- 849 00:50:02,233 --> 00:50:03,899 their world is so small. It's just right in there, 850 00:50:03,901 --> 00:50:05,301 and then they can't really go anywhere, 851 00:50:05,303 --> 00:50:07,169 and their world is just encompassed in this little space. 852 00:50:07,171 --> 00:50:08,304 Do you ever think about that? 853 00:50:08,306 --> 00:50:09,705 I think about that a lot. 854 00:50:09,707 --> 00:50:12,141 I think that their world is so small and our world is so big. 855 00:50:12,143 --> 00:50:13,409 But our world is getting smaller, too, 856 00:50:13,411 --> 00:50:16,445 because now Hawaii is a state, and Alaska is a state. 857 00:50:16,447 --> 00:50:18,347 We went from 48 to 50... 858 00:50:26,323 --> 00:50:29,191 I realize it's just a little family home scene, 859 00:50:29,193 --> 00:50:31,827 and I'm just a nut in the wrong place. 860 00:50:34,664 --> 00:50:37,133 Meanwhile, Neal has completely disappeared. 861 00:50:39,503 --> 00:50:41,937 This chair that you've been sitting in for days, 862 00:50:41,939 --> 00:50:44,640 have you noticed the bottom is falling out of it? 863 00:50:46,643 --> 00:50:48,944 Jack, you need some sleep. 864 00:50:57,287 --> 00:51:00,723 How long have you been sitting in that chair? 865 00:51:00,725 --> 00:51:06,295 I've been, um, sitting here, 866 00:51:06,297 --> 00:51:08,330 waiting for Billie to come home. 867 00:51:08,332 --> 00:51:10,800 Well, my God, let's go outside, and sit by the water. 868 00:51:15,872 --> 00:51:17,473 Only if we get another bottle. 869 00:51:17,475 --> 00:51:20,109 Hmm. I have one right here. 870 00:51:20,111 --> 00:51:23,245 So Philip and me, we made our city hike over to the bay, 871 00:51:23,247 --> 00:51:25,781 where there is sound that harkens slightly up to Sur 872 00:51:25,783 --> 00:51:28,350 that I had abandoned in betrayal. 873 00:51:34,825 --> 00:51:36,892 Ah, Philip, I'm sorry 874 00:51:36,894 --> 00:51:40,429 I ruined our day by sleeping like this. 875 00:51:40,431 --> 00:51:43,365 You needed to sleep. I told you. 876 00:51:43,367 --> 00:51:45,134 How long was I sleeping? 877 00:51:45,136 --> 00:51:47,002 Ages. 878 00:51:47,004 --> 00:51:49,105 I'm sorry. 879 00:51:49,107 --> 00:51:51,574 Why should you be sorry? 880 00:51:51,576 --> 00:51:53,943 I love you anyway. 881 00:51:53,945 --> 00:51:56,078 Was I snoring? 882 00:51:56,080 --> 00:51:58,047 You were snoring all day, 883 00:51:58,049 --> 00:52:00,382 and I've been sitting here all day. 884 00:52:00,384 --> 00:52:03,185 What a beautiful day. 885 00:52:03,187 --> 00:52:04,420 Yeah. 886 00:52:04,422 --> 00:52:07,823 It's been a beautiful day. 887 00:52:07,825 --> 00:52:09,358 How strange. 888 00:52:12,095 --> 00:52:14,697 I smoked a whole package of Edgewood. 889 00:52:14,699 --> 00:52:17,700 It's been a very strange day. 890 00:52:17,702 --> 00:52:21,036 Are you sad I didn't talk to you? 891 00:52:21,038 --> 00:52:22,705 Not at all. 892 00:52:22,707 --> 00:52:23,873 In fact, I'm glad. 893 00:52:34,985 --> 00:52:36,952 [ Narrating ] Watching life. 894 00:52:41,525 --> 00:52:44,460 Maybe we don't know all that we think we know. 895 00:52:44,462 --> 00:52:45,794 Where's she going? 896 00:52:45,796 --> 00:52:47,930 Does she has some secret sailor lover? 897 00:52:47,932 --> 00:52:52,001 She only gonna finish her typing after hours in the office? 898 00:52:52,003 --> 00:52:54,236 What if we knew, Philip, 899 00:52:54,238 --> 00:52:58,240 what every one of these people going by is headed for? 900 00:52:58,242 --> 00:53:02,478 Some door, some restaurant, 901 00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:05,047 some secret romance? 902 00:53:05,049 --> 00:53:08,317 You sound like you stored up a lot of energy 903 00:53:08,319 --> 00:53:11,220 and interest in life out there in the woods. 904 00:53:37,447 --> 00:53:39,648 What did you do all day? 905 00:53:40,817 --> 00:53:45,154 I was with Philip Whalen and slept by the water. 906 00:53:45,156 --> 00:53:48,277 Here are your vegetables, honey. 907 00:53:50,860 --> 00:53:52,828 Billie, what are we gonna do? 908 00:53:55,932 --> 00:53:58,367 We'll get married and fly to Mexico with Elliott. 909 00:53:58,369 --> 00:54:01,370 Billie, I don't want to get married, I'm afraid. 910 00:54:02,872 --> 00:54:05,140 I want to go home and die with my cat. 911 00:54:05,142 --> 00:54:06,408 Jack... 912 00:54:07,711 --> 00:54:10,246 what have I done wrong? 913 00:54:19,456 --> 00:54:21,856 I'll tell you what you've done wrong. 914 00:54:26,763 --> 00:54:28,683 You withhold your love... 915 00:54:30,667 --> 00:54:32,427 from a woman like me. 916 00:54:37,307 --> 00:54:38,807 And previous women... 917 00:54:40,243 --> 00:54:43,245 and future women like me. 918 00:54:43,247 --> 00:54:44,480 Jack... 919 00:54:48,752 --> 00:54:52,087 can you imagine all the fun we'd have being married? 920 00:54:52,089 --> 00:54:54,923 Going out to hear jazz? 921 00:54:54,925 --> 00:54:59,461 Or even taking planes to Paris suddenly 922 00:54:59,463 --> 00:55:02,631 and all the things I have to teach you and you teach me? 923 00:55:03,867 --> 00:55:06,235 I'm a creepy, strange guy you don't even know. 924 00:55:06,237 --> 00:55:07,369 Yeah. 925 00:55:09,306 --> 00:55:13,542 Creepy, strange guy... 926 00:55:15,145 --> 00:55:16,412 that I love. 927 00:55:20,317 --> 00:55:21,238 I love. 928 00:55:24,421 --> 00:55:30,426 We could go live in an old log cabin in the hills, 929 00:55:30,428 --> 00:55:32,828 never say anything for years. 930 00:55:32,830 --> 00:55:35,197 Let's leave the city and take Elliott with us 931 00:55:35,199 --> 00:55:38,133 and go to Ferlinghetti's cabin in the woods for a week, 932 00:55:38,135 --> 00:55:39,468 for two weeks, forget everything. 933 00:55:41,171 --> 00:55:45,341 Jack, I love you. 934 00:55:45,343 --> 00:55:46,375 I'll call Lew Welch, 935 00:55:46,377 --> 00:55:48,243 and he'll drive us to Big Sur cabin. 936 00:55:48,245 --> 00:55:50,612 We'll be alone in the woods at least. 937 00:55:50,614 --> 00:55:52,815 I'm telling you that's what I want to do. 938 00:55:56,986 --> 00:55:58,987 [ Dialing telephone ] 939 00:56:01,091 --> 00:56:03,726 Hello, Lew? There you are. 940 00:56:03,728 --> 00:56:04,927 Know what I'm calling you about? 941 00:56:04,929 --> 00:56:07,896 Listen, pal, take that big brunette Lenora, 942 00:56:07,898 --> 00:56:10,332 that Romanian madwoman, and pack her in Willie 943 00:56:10,334 --> 00:56:13,001 and come down to Billie's here and pick us up. 944 00:56:13,003 --> 00:56:14,903 We'll pack while you's en route. 945 00:56:14,905 --> 00:56:18,107 Honey's on, and we'll all go spend two weeks of bliss in Ferlinghetti's cabin. 946 00:56:18,109 --> 00:56:20,509 What's the purpose of all this? 947 00:56:20,511 --> 00:56:23,579 Just to see you, and we can talk about purposes anywhere. 948 00:56:28,651 --> 00:56:31,220 Oh, Lew, I--I wanted to stop by, uh, Neal's. 949 00:56:31,222 --> 00:56:33,956 [ Narrating ] It always starts out good like that, the bad moments. 950 00:56:33,958 --> 00:56:36,258 Nothing is gained or lost also by the fact 951 00:56:36,260 --> 00:56:38,527 that I insist we stop at Neal Cassady's en route 952 00:56:38,529 --> 00:56:40,529 so I can pick up some clothes I left there, 953 00:56:40,531 --> 00:56:41,897 but secretly I want Caroline 954 00:56:41,899 --> 00:56:43,966 to finally come face-to-face with Billie. 955 00:56:43,968 --> 00:56:45,667 He always wants to drive my car. 956 00:56:45,669 --> 00:56:46,668 It's my Willie. 957 00:56:46,670 --> 00:56:47,803 [ laughs ] 958 00:56:47,805 --> 00:56:50,005 LENORA: I'll settle things with you. 959 00:57:09,325 --> 00:57:11,360 [ Door opens ] 960 00:57:15,298 --> 00:57:17,166 Billie's out in the Jeep. 961 00:57:29,312 --> 00:57:32,781 Of course it was you who was destined to bring her here. 962 00:57:36,653 --> 00:57:39,388 What's Neal so worried about? 963 00:57:39,390 --> 00:57:41,156 [ Chuckles ] 964 00:57:41,158 --> 00:57:45,627 Oh, you're just spoiling all his chance to be real secretive. 965 00:57:45,629 --> 00:57:48,931 He hasn't come and seen us for a whole week. 966 00:57:48,933 --> 00:57:51,266 That's in a way what happened. 967 00:57:51,268 --> 00:57:53,202 Just left me stranded there. 968 00:57:53,204 --> 00:57:55,445 Well, why don't you bring her in? 969 00:58:03,446 --> 00:58:04,980 [ Sighs ] 970 00:58:04,982 --> 00:58:08,062 Honey, you should probably get her a drink. 971 00:58:13,523 --> 00:58:15,858 What can I get you to drink? 972 00:58:15,860 --> 00:58:17,259 Eh, the usual. 973 00:58:18,828 --> 00:58:19,895 That's fine. 974 00:58:24,634 --> 00:58:27,636 I just love the color of these walls, Caroline. 975 00:58:27,638 --> 00:58:29,671 What do you call that color? 976 00:58:29,673 --> 00:58:31,273 Yellow. 977 00:58:43,753 --> 00:58:45,554 Caroline, did you know that Billie 978 00:58:45,556 --> 00:58:47,923 has a lovely little boy called Elliott? 979 00:58:47,925 --> 00:58:48,924 No. 980 00:58:48,926 --> 00:58:50,959 Asks a whole bunch of questions, 981 00:58:50,961 --> 00:58:51,994 really charming. 982 00:58:51,996 --> 00:58:53,662 Neal never mentioned that. 983 00:58:55,398 --> 00:58:58,600 Well, what a great idea this was. 984 00:58:58,602 --> 00:59:00,969 Let's toast, um-- 985 00:59:00,971 --> 00:59:02,771 Let's toast Neal. 986 00:59:02,773 --> 00:59:05,941 Across the meadow and back to the haunted cabin. 987 00:59:06,976 --> 00:59:09,011 I begin to feel extremely low 988 00:59:09,013 --> 00:59:11,446 as soon as last night's alcohol wears off. 989 00:59:11,448 --> 00:59:13,982 I can't chop wood for fear I'll cut a foot off. 990 00:59:13,984 --> 00:59:15,784 I can't sleep. I can't sit. I can't pace. 991 00:59:15,786 --> 00:59:17,586 I keep going to the creek to drink water 992 00:59:17,588 --> 00:59:20,822 till finally I'm going down there a thousand times, 993 00:59:20,824 --> 00:59:23,759 making Lew Welch wonder, as he's come back with more wine. 994 00:59:23,761 --> 00:59:26,094 I'm hungry. Lew is hungry. 995 00:59:26,096 --> 00:59:28,297 Are you starving? I'm through starving. 996 00:59:28,299 --> 00:59:29,331 What shall we eat? 997 00:59:29,333 --> 00:59:31,133 Tell you what, I got an idea. 998 00:59:31,135 --> 00:59:32,135 What? 999 00:59:34,304 --> 00:59:37,072 I am now gonna go out surf casting 1000 00:59:37,074 --> 00:59:40,375 for a grab bag of fish for a marvelous supper. 1001 00:59:40,377 --> 00:59:41,677 [ laughs ] 1002 00:59:41,679 --> 00:59:44,179 Lenora, you get a salad ready, 1003 00:59:44,181 --> 00:59:46,782 whatever else we need, or you can-- 1004 00:59:46,784 --> 00:59:47,883 Oh, no, no. 1005 00:59:48,985 --> 00:59:50,886 ♪ Oh doh doh doh doh doh 1006 00:59:50,888 --> 00:59:52,321 Mm-hmm. 1007 00:59:52,323 --> 00:59:55,457 We're gonna leave the two of you alone now, okay? 1008 01:00:03,366 --> 01:00:06,101 Why don't we go to Nepenthe 1009 01:00:06,103 --> 01:00:08,637 and private our grief tonight? 1010 01:00:10,907 --> 01:00:12,507 And drink Manhattans? 1011 01:00:12,509 --> 01:00:13,976 Or go see Henry Miller? 1012 01:00:13,978 --> 01:00:17,379 I'm so exhausted, I can't do anything or see anybody. 1013 01:00:17,381 --> 01:00:19,815 Already feeling awful guilt about Henry Miller anyway. 1014 01:00:19,817 --> 01:00:22,184 We've made an appointment with him about a week ago, 1015 01:00:22,186 --> 01:00:25,153 and instead of showing up at his friend's house in Santa Cruz at 7:00, 1016 01:00:25,155 --> 01:00:27,089 we're all drunk at 10:00, calling long distance. 1017 01:00:27,091 --> 01:00:28,690 And poor Henry just said, "Well, I'm sorry 1018 01:00:28,692 --> 01:00:31,059 "I don't get to meet you, Jack, but I'm an old man, 1019 01:00:31,061 --> 01:00:33,261 "and at 10:00, it's time for me to go to bed. 1020 01:00:33,263 --> 01:00:35,063 You'd never make it here till after midnight now." 1021 01:00:35,065 --> 01:00:37,633 His voice on the phone just like his records, 1022 01:00:37,635 --> 01:00:39,401 nasal, Brooklyn, good-guy voice, 1023 01:00:39,403 --> 01:00:40,969 and him disappointed in a way, 1024 01:00:40,971 --> 01:00:42,204 because he's gone to the trouble 1025 01:00:42,206 --> 01:00:44,506 of writing the preface to one of my books. 1026 01:00:44,508 --> 01:00:46,842 Though I suddenly now think in my remorseful paranoias, 1027 01:00:46,844 --> 01:00:48,143 "Ah, the hell with it. 1028 01:00:48,145 --> 01:00:49,945 "He was only getting in the act, 1029 01:00:49,947 --> 01:00:51,446 "like all these guys write prefaces 1030 01:00:51,448 --> 01:00:53,949 So you don't even get to read the author first," 1031 01:00:53,951 --> 01:00:55,751 as an example of how really psychotically 1032 01:00:55,753 --> 01:00:58,420 suspicious and loco I was getting. 1033 01:01:02,425 --> 01:01:04,526 I'd begun to realize in my soberness 1034 01:01:04,528 --> 01:01:06,428 that this thing had come too far, 1035 01:01:06,430 --> 01:01:08,463 that I don't love Billie, that I'm leading her on, 1036 01:01:08,465 --> 01:01:10,432 that I made a mistake dragging everyone here, 1037 01:01:10,434 --> 01:01:12,100 that I simply want to go home now, 1038 01:01:12,102 --> 01:01:14,569 that I'm just plumb sick and tired, just like Neal, I guess. 1039 01:01:14,571 --> 01:01:17,973 I suddenly wonder if she's going to horrify the heavens and me, too, 1040 01:01:17,975 --> 01:01:20,542 with a sudden suicide walk into those awful undertows. 1041 01:01:20,544 --> 01:01:22,544 I see her sad blonde hair flying, 1042 01:01:22,546 --> 01:01:24,946 the sad, thin figure alone by the sea, 1043 01:01:24,948 --> 01:01:26,982 the leaf-hastening sea. 1044 01:01:26,984 --> 01:01:28,417 "You are my last chance," she said, 1045 01:01:28,419 --> 01:01:30,085 but don't all women say that? 1046 01:01:30,087 --> 01:01:33,889 Can it be I'm withholding from her something sacred just like she says? 1047 01:01:33,891 --> 01:01:35,724 Or am I just a fool who will never learn 1048 01:01:35,726 --> 01:01:37,292 to have a decent, eternally minded 1049 01:01:37,294 --> 01:01:39,327 deep-down relation with a woman 1050 01:01:39,329 --> 01:01:41,963 and keep throwing that away for a song and a bottle? 1051 01:01:43,132 --> 01:01:45,167 Ladies and gentlemen, what we are having 1052 01:01:45,169 --> 01:01:47,536 is a sacrificial banquet with all kinds of goodies 1053 01:01:47,538 --> 01:01:50,338 laid in a regal spread around one little delicious fish, 1054 01:01:50,340 --> 01:01:52,941 so that we may pray to that fish and take tiny, little bites. 1055 01:01:52,943 --> 01:01:54,910 Now, there's only about four bites apiece, okay? 1056 01:01:54,912 --> 01:01:57,512 But there's all kinds of different parts of the fish 1057 01:01:57,514 --> 01:01:59,381 where the bites are even more significant 1058 01:01:59,383 --> 01:02:00,949 or substantial or beneficial. 1059 01:02:00,951 --> 01:02:01,950 But let me tell you, however, 1060 01:02:01,952 --> 01:02:02,951 the real way to properly fry a fish... 1061 01:02:02,953 --> 01:02:04,986 [ sizzling ] Beautiful! 1062 01:02:04,988 --> 01:02:06,621 Lew. [ laughs ] 1063 01:02:06,623 --> 01:02:08,690 That's fantastic. 1064 01:02:08,692 --> 01:02:11,660 Flipping the fish, now! 1065 01:02:11,662 --> 01:02:12,994 Oh! Oh! 1066 01:02:12,996 --> 01:02:14,863 [ laughs ] 1067 01:02:14,865 --> 01:02:17,065 We're having fish, Jack. 1068 01:02:30,446 --> 01:02:33,315 Here you go, Jack. 1069 01:02:36,986 --> 01:02:38,487 You gotta eat, Jack. 1070 01:02:38,489 --> 01:02:41,456 I whispered love into every orifice of that bite. 1071 01:02:44,660 --> 01:02:46,661 Oh, Lew, that looks beautiful. 1072 01:02:46,663 --> 01:02:47,662 Thank you. 1073 01:02:47,664 --> 01:02:49,598 [ Chuckles ] 1074 01:02:49,600 --> 01:02:51,032 [ Gasps ] 1075 01:02:51,034 --> 01:02:52,334 [ Claps ] [ laughs ] 1076 01:02:52,336 --> 01:02:53,902 It's beautiful. 1077 01:02:53,904 --> 01:02:55,904 [ Clears throat ] 1078 01:02:57,206 --> 01:02:59,141 Let us pray. 1079 01:02:59,143 --> 01:03:00,408 Jack? 1080 01:03:03,546 --> 01:03:06,181 This is the fish that we're now gonna partake of 1081 01:03:06,183 --> 01:03:08,450 and feed us so that we shall be stronger. 1082 01:03:08,452 --> 01:03:09,584 Thank you, fish people. 1083 01:03:09,586 --> 01:03:11,052 Thank you, fish god. Thank you, moon, 1084 01:03:11,054 --> 01:03:12,220 for giving us our light tonight. 1085 01:03:12,222 --> 01:03:14,456 This is the night of the full moon fish... 1086 01:03:16,092 --> 01:03:18,693 which we are now going to consecrate with our first delicate bite. 1087 01:03:18,695 --> 01:03:20,395 [ Narrating ] That fish has all the death 1088 01:03:20,397 --> 01:03:22,831 of otters and mouses right in it. 1089 01:03:22,833 --> 01:03:26,434 And that first bite is for Jack. 1090 01:03:29,739 --> 01:03:32,099 It's just a tiny, little bite, Jack. 1091 01:03:32,809 --> 01:03:35,644 Just chew it very slowly. 1092 01:03:37,113 --> 01:03:39,274 You just chew it really slowly. 1093 01:03:59,101 --> 01:04:00,435 Is he chewing? Oh. 1094 01:04:00,437 --> 01:04:01,803 Yes, my drink. 1095 01:04:01,805 --> 01:04:03,646 I'll have that piece. Okay. 1096 01:04:04,941 --> 01:04:07,409 If I try to turn over, 1097 01:04:07,411 --> 01:04:10,679 the whole universe turns over with me. 1098 01:04:13,549 --> 01:04:16,818 It's no better on the other side of the universe. 1099 01:04:23,793 --> 01:04:25,193 You got me all wrong. 1100 01:04:25,195 --> 01:04:27,162 I wouldn't be any good for you. 1101 01:04:27,164 --> 01:04:29,397 I know that now. 1102 01:04:31,367 --> 01:04:33,902 You're just tired of life, and you want to sleep, 1103 01:04:33,904 --> 01:04:36,304 and in a way, that's what I want to do, too. 1104 01:04:36,306 --> 01:04:37,939 Only, I've got Elliott to worry about. 1105 01:04:39,942 --> 01:04:42,811 Could take both our lives and solve that. 1106 01:04:42,813 --> 01:04:44,312 You, creepy talk. 1107 01:04:44,314 --> 01:04:48,817 You told me the first night 1108 01:04:48,819 --> 01:04:50,385 you loved me, 1109 01:04:50,387 --> 01:04:52,320 that I was the most interesting, 1110 01:04:52,322 --> 01:04:55,223 that you hadn't met anyone you liked so much, 1111 01:04:55,225 --> 01:04:58,059 and then you just went on drinking. 1112 01:05:00,229 --> 01:05:04,566 I really can see now what they say about you is true. 1113 01:05:06,135 --> 01:05:11,473 You keep groaning about how sick you are, 1114 01:05:11,475 --> 01:05:13,608 and you really don't think about others enough, 1115 01:05:13,610 --> 01:05:16,478 and I know you can't help it, 1116 01:05:16,480 --> 01:05:21,082 but you are really ratty sometimes. 1117 01:05:21,084 --> 01:05:23,885 But even that, I know you can't help. 1118 01:05:23,887 --> 01:05:25,253 Why can't you follow through 1119 01:05:25,255 --> 01:05:28,089 with what your heart knows is good and best and true? 1120 01:05:29,292 --> 01:05:31,626 You give up so easy to discouragement. 1121 01:05:35,765 --> 01:05:38,667 And I guess, too, you don't really want me. 1122 01:05:38,669 --> 01:05:40,502 You want to go home 1123 01:05:40,504 --> 01:05:43,138 and resume your own life with Louise. 1124 01:05:43,140 --> 01:05:44,673 No, I couldn't with her either. 1125 01:05:44,675 --> 01:05:46,942 I'm just bound up inside like constipation! 1126 01:05:46,944 --> 01:05:48,310 I can't move emotionally, 1127 01:05:48,312 --> 01:05:50,312 like you'd say emotionally as though 1128 01:05:50,314 --> 01:05:52,647 that were some big, grand, magic mystery! 1129 01:05:52,649 --> 01:05:54,983 Everybody's saying, "Oh, how wonderful life is!" 1130 01:05:54,985 --> 01:05:58,086 How miraculous! God's made this, and God made that!" 1131 01:05:58,088 --> 01:06:00,655 How do you know he doesn't hate what he did? 1132 01:06:00,657 --> 01:06:04,192 He might even be drunk and not noticing what he went and done! 1133 01:06:04,194 --> 01:06:06,194 Though, of course, that's not true. 1134 01:06:07,196 --> 01:06:09,064 Maybe God is dead. 1135 01:06:09,066 --> 01:06:13,702 No. God can't be dead, because he's the unborn! 1136 01:06:13,704 --> 01:06:15,370 You have all these philosophies 1137 01:06:15,372 --> 01:06:17,272 and sutras you keep talking about. 1138 01:06:17,274 --> 01:06:18,573 But don't you see? 1139 01:06:18,575 --> 01:06:21,476 They've all become empty words! 1140 01:06:23,279 --> 01:06:26,281 I realize I've been playing like a happy child 1141 01:06:26,283 --> 01:06:28,783 all my life with words, words, words 1142 01:06:28,785 --> 01:06:31,086 in a big, serious tragedy! 1143 01:06:31,088 --> 01:06:32,854 Look around! 1144 01:06:40,696 --> 01:06:41,696 [ Bird calls ] 1145 01:06:44,834 --> 01:06:48,603 [ Narrating ] I've never screamed in my life. 1146 01:06:48,605 --> 01:06:49,938 It's the first time 1147 01:06:49,940 --> 01:06:52,607 I'm not confident I can hold myself together, 1148 01:06:52,609 --> 01:06:53,942 no matter what happens. 1149 01:06:53,944 --> 01:06:56,378 The devils come after me tonight. 1150 01:06:56,380 --> 01:06:58,646 The creek will give me water 1151 01:06:58,648 --> 01:07:00,368 that will clear away everything. 1152 01:07:06,789 --> 01:07:09,109 Suddenly the water in the creek tastes different... 1153 01:07:10,893 --> 01:07:14,429 as though somebody's thrown gasoline or kerosene in it. 1154 01:07:15,598 --> 01:07:17,599 [ Panting ] 1155 01:07:35,151 --> 01:07:36,418 [ Gasps ] 1156 01:07:42,625 --> 01:07:45,060 The unbearable anguish of insanity. 1157 01:07:48,397 --> 01:07:51,499 There's a tightening around the head that hurts. 1158 01:07:53,269 --> 01:07:56,204 There's a terror of the mind that hurts even more. 1159 01:07:56,206 --> 01:07:57,739 [ Heart beating slowly ] 1160 01:08:02,845 --> 01:08:07,182 I feel evil forces gathering down all around me 1161 01:08:07,184 --> 01:08:09,584 from her, 1162 01:08:09,586 --> 01:08:11,286 the kid... 1163 01:08:13,422 --> 01:08:15,223 the very walls of the cabin... 1164 01:08:19,361 --> 01:08:21,796 and the trees. 1165 01:08:21,798 --> 01:08:26,201 Even the sudden thought of Lew Welch and Lenora is evil. 1166 01:08:26,203 --> 01:08:27,735 [ Waves crash ] 1167 01:08:32,708 --> 01:08:35,176 [ Shrieks ] 1168 01:08:35,178 --> 01:08:37,112 They're all coming now. 1169 01:08:45,387 --> 01:08:47,388 [ Panting ] 1170 01:09:05,674 --> 01:09:07,208 Jack. 1171 01:09:11,614 --> 01:09:12,747 Jack? 1172 01:09:21,724 --> 01:09:23,424 Love me... 1173 01:09:24,660 --> 01:09:25,660 please. 1174 01:09:32,801 --> 01:09:36,604 Even--Even if we never see each other again, 1175 01:09:36,606 --> 01:09:38,740 let this last night be beautiful. 1176 01:09:46,382 --> 01:09:47,142 Please. 1177 01:09:50,386 --> 01:09:52,854 [ Narrating ] I'm carking in my canyon. 1178 01:09:52,856 --> 01:09:55,523 Can you just do that for me... 1179 01:09:55,525 --> 01:09:57,225 Everything is death. 1180 01:09:57,227 --> 01:09:59,327 For the both of us? 1181 01:09:59,329 --> 01:10:00,995 They all look dead. 1182 01:10:03,265 --> 01:10:04,632 I can't. 1183 01:10:04,634 --> 01:10:08,169 I'm with you, Jesus, for always, 1184 01:10:08,171 --> 01:10:10,171 but there's a battle somewhere, 1185 01:10:10,173 --> 01:10:12,574 and the devils keep coming back. 1186 01:10:16,345 --> 01:10:17,512 Why can't you? 1187 01:10:19,782 --> 01:10:22,016 Jack, please? 1188 01:10:25,955 --> 01:10:28,223 I see the cross. 1189 01:10:29,291 --> 01:10:30,725 It's silent. 1190 01:10:32,061 --> 01:10:34,729 It stays a long time. 1191 01:10:35,931 --> 01:10:38,933 My whole body fades away to it. 1192 01:10:45,808 --> 01:10:48,009 I don't want to scare Billie 1193 01:10:48,011 --> 01:10:49,777 or anybody with my death scream. 1194 01:10:52,114 --> 01:10:53,748 So I swallow the scream 1195 01:10:53,750 --> 01:10:57,719 and just let myself go into death. 1196 01:11:12,901 --> 01:11:14,902 [ Water flowing ] 1197 01:11:37,059 --> 01:11:39,060 [ Sizzling ] 1198 01:11:47,603 --> 01:11:48,803 I can't possibly stay here another minute. 1199 01:11:48,805 --> 01:11:50,405 You gotta drive us all back to town. 1200 01:11:50,407 --> 01:11:54,008 Okay, but I sure wish we could stay another week like Lenora wants to do. 1201 01:11:54,010 --> 01:11:55,910 Well, you drive me and come back. 1202 01:11:55,912 --> 01:11:57,713 Heh. I don't know if Lawrence would like that. 1203 01:11:57,714 --> 01:11:59,180 We already dirtied up the place aplenty. 1204 01:11:59,182 --> 01:12:02,216 In fact, we gotta dig a garbage pit to get rid of all the junk. 1205 01:12:04,953 --> 01:12:05,953 I'll do it. 1206 01:12:10,492 --> 01:12:11,592 It's exactly the size 1207 01:12:11,594 --> 01:12:13,628 fit for putting a little dead Elliott in it. 1208 01:12:13,630 --> 01:12:15,363 We've all read Freud sufficiently 1209 01:12:15,365 --> 01:12:17,166 to understand something there. 1210 01:12:28,510 --> 01:12:30,545 Want to finish the job yourself? 1211 01:12:30,547 --> 01:12:32,046 What do you mean? 1212 01:12:32,048 --> 01:12:34,916 Well, I said I'd dig the garbage pit, 1213 01:12:34,918 --> 01:12:36,184 and I've done that. 1214 01:12:36,186 --> 01:12:38,286 Aren't you supposed to do the rest? 1215 01:12:43,625 --> 01:12:46,561 I'll dump earth over it and tamp it down. 1216 01:12:46,563 --> 01:12:48,429 No, no, no, no! 1217 01:12:50,532 --> 01:12:51,799 What's the matter with this kid? 1218 01:12:51,801 --> 01:12:52,800 Is he a cretin? 1219 01:12:57,139 --> 01:12:58,299 Come on, Elliott. 1220 01:13:01,243 --> 01:13:02,443 Jack... 1221 01:13:04,880 --> 01:13:06,981 you are so fucking neurotic. 1222 01:13:24,032 --> 01:13:26,033 [ Panting ] 1223 01:13:32,674 --> 01:13:34,475 The hell with this madness. 1224 01:13:36,578 --> 01:13:38,246 Just a golden wash of goodness 1225 01:13:38,248 --> 01:13:41,282 has spread over all and over all my body and mind. 1226 01:13:41,284 --> 01:13:43,184 All the dark torture is a memory. 1227 01:13:43,186 --> 01:13:45,319 I know now I can get out of there. 1228 01:13:45,321 --> 01:13:46,521 We'll drive back to the city. 1229 01:13:46,523 --> 01:13:47,522 I'll take Billie home. 1230 01:13:47,524 --> 01:13:49,056 I'll say goodbye to her properly. 1231 01:13:49,058 --> 01:13:51,359 She won't commit no suicide or do anything wrong. 1232 01:13:51,361 --> 01:13:54,262 Billie will go on being golden one way or the other. 1233 01:13:54,264 --> 01:13:56,230 The little boy will grow up and be a great man. 1234 01:13:56,232 --> 01:13:58,065 Lenora's life will go on. Old Lew will manage somehow. 1235 01:13:58,067 --> 01:14:00,368 I'll forgive them and explain everything. 1236 01:14:00,370 --> 01:14:01,936 And Neal Cassady and Albert Saijo 1237 01:14:01,938 --> 01:14:03,304 and ravened Michael McClure 1238 01:14:03,306 --> 01:14:04,939 and perfect, starry Philip Whalen, 1239 01:14:04,941 --> 01:14:06,808 they'll all pass through one way or the other. 1240 01:14:06,810 --> 01:14:08,876 I'll stay with Ferlinghetti at his home a few days, 1241 01:14:08,878 --> 01:14:11,512 and he'll smile and show me how to be happy a while. 1242 01:14:11,514 --> 01:14:13,080 We'll drink dry wine instead of sweet 1243 01:14:13,082 --> 01:14:15,049 and have quiet evenings in his home. 1244 01:14:15,051 --> 01:14:17,084 Ferlinghetti will say, "That's all there is to it." 1245 01:14:17,086 --> 01:14:18,286 "Take it easy. Everything's okay." 1246 01:14:18,288 --> 01:14:19,787 "Don't take things too serious." 1247 01:14:19,789 --> 01:14:21,489 "It's bad enough as it is" 1248 01:14:21,491 --> 01:14:23,925 without you going the deep end over imaginary conceptions, 1249 01:14:23,927 --> 01:14:25,460 "just like you always said yourself." 1250 01:14:25,462 --> 01:14:28,329 I'll get my ticket and say goodbye on a flower day 1251 01:14:28,331 --> 01:14:29,964 and leave all San Francisco behind 1252 01:14:29,966 --> 01:14:32,066 and go home across autumn America, 1253 01:14:32,068 --> 01:14:34,268 and it'll all be like it was in the beginning, 1254 01:14:34,270 --> 01:14:37,572 simple, golden eternity, blessing all. 1255 01:14:37,574 --> 01:14:39,574 Nothing ever happened, not even this. 1256 01:14:39,576 --> 01:14:41,075 There'll be farewells and smiles. 1257 01:14:41,077 --> 01:14:43,244 My mother will be waiting for me glad. 1258 01:14:43,246 --> 01:14:45,146 The corner of the yard where Tyke is buried 1259 01:14:45,148 --> 01:14:46,681 will be a new and fragrant shrine, 1260 01:14:46,683 --> 01:14:48,382 making my home more homelike somehow. 1261 01:14:48,384 --> 01:14:51,252 Something good will come out of all things yet, 1262 01:14:51,254 --> 01:14:54,155 and it will be golden and eternal just like that. 1263 01:14:54,157 --> 01:14:56,457 There's no need to say another word. 1264 01:14:56,459 --> 01:14:58,459 [ Instrumental playing ] 1264 01:14:59,305 --> 01:15:05,296 Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player